Finally..
…phase 4 is coming! Gone are the days crazy inconsiderate group mates, crazy debates and endless terror from our infamous chair.. I made it sound so bad, but really.. it IS that bad ;p
I’m trying to spend more time with my self. After weeks of horror and months of reliving past traumas.. I’ve decided to give myself a break and just chill.. I haven’t even thought about my hair, skin.. or any new friends around the corner.. I’ve realized I’ve not even made much new friends over the last year.. I’ve been pretty much "enjoying" my misery.. well whose to blame, but myself.. crazy people that will upset you will always be around.. as well as self centric guys that care for nothing but their ego.. I feel that I’ve been exhausted for all the wrong things..
A spark of hope came, when BP, a prof at school offered me an opportunity to help her with a conference.. better yet, a Non Profit conference.. a passion of mine I’ve never had the chance to live up to. Probably this will lead to something good..
A conversation with a close friend a few days ago reminded me that time lost will never be recovered.. He also reminded me that there do exist sensible guys out there that will treat you rite. I’ve actually for the first time appreciated his dept of thought, sense of wisdom and wit.. for a few seconds I thought.. would sparks fly between us. Who knows.. A glimpse of the future emerges at the back of my mind..
But again.. who know.. I thought of P and wondered how we’ve ever reached this point. Everything was so different in the beginning. Wondered where I did wrong. I’ve also thought of many girls passing by that seems to live care free and look forward to the future and feel that no one is better but themselves. He’s still the dearest person in my heart.. but what’s the point if I’m not happy.. forget the complications.. and the dark trauma.. damn… he was such a different person when I first met him.. how could I have been so easily misled..
And now I have a totally different version of security.. my traditional vision of a picture perfect future has somewhat been improvised.. I still believe a partner in life is critical.. but a marriage.. hmm.. is it really that important anymore.. I don’t believe so.. maybe I’ll change my mind later.. but for now.. I don’t see it being a necessary component of my life.. not anymore..
I still hope P will fully come back to his senses.. but as one anonymous writer once wrote.. if he doesn’t come back to his senses.. then I better do.. the sooner the better..
I wanna spend more time with my girl friends.. and hopefully get the career of my dreams.. for now it seems kinda blurry.. even with the graduation just a few months apart..
We’ll see.. I wanna get some sleep..
Finally..
...phase 4 is coming! Gone are the days crazy inconsiderate group mates, crazy debates and endless terror from our infamous chair.. I made it sound so bad, but really.. it IS that bad ;p I'm trying to spend more time...